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In ministry, I think I'm not called to be a fire-fighter. There are inevitably fires to put out from time to time, but that's not the ultimate goal in ministry for me. I take joy in seeing things come into being. The farmer does not work to kill weeds and apply pesticides, but to reap a harvest. Weeds and pests are obstacles to overcome for sure, but they're not the main event. Lord, help me keep my eyes on the main event.

Created a Sliding puzzle app, with 15 tiles, reset function and mixing button. As self-contained as it gets I guess. I think I'm reasonably comfortable with UIViews now. 

Generated the grid as buttons, adding the number assignment trigger according to the puzzle.

There are probably other things that I should blog about, but I'll just take the time to log progress on a project to get myself familiarised with coding for the iPhone. The warmup project is a Sudoku solver, which should store some puzzles, present it, allow users to input numbers, tell them if they made a logical error, suggest numbers if needed, and solve the puzzle(maybe).

The goal is to facilitate and inspire. Without a desire to inspire, facilitation becomes a chore. Facilitate and inspire others to experience and walk with God!

To have something to pass on. To have something to give and leave behind for those after me. That when I am gone, what I've experienced and what I've seen and what I've learnt will linger, will germinate and produce fruit greater than what I ever could have imagined. What will I leave behind? And to whom?

I was singing the bridge of "To Know Your Name" in my mind over and over again as I took the train home today. I've been working for about a month now, and there's a dissatisfaction in me that makes me feel that maybe a long-term position where I'm at now isn't the best for me. It's interesting work and all, and the work environment is quite good I believe. But something makes me wish for more. Maybe my passion's not in it, maybe I don't see as much value in it as the company does. It's not something I would die for. Maybe that's what I'm looking for: something that's of worth in my eyes that I'd go through hell and high water just to see it get done. Something that enriches and enables others. I once thought it was enough helping others' dreams and plans come true to make me happy. I'm now learning that there's a bit more criteria involved than I once thought. Not just any dream now it seems, and just 'interesting' isn't enough.

I'm thinking of missionary friends in Timor, teaching English and preaching Christ, enriching lives one step at a time. That would be an example of work I would be willing to die for, though I might not be ready for it skills-wise. Just knowing that your efforts are enriching others in a meaningful way (equipping and enabling them, encouraging them) is probably the best kind of job satisfaction, even if it's immaterial. It's how Jesus lived His life. He lived to share the Kingdom and died to enable us to partake in the love of Father God, by reconciling us to God.

Selah

We did this for an ice-breaker at cell this Friday. It's a question I find very hard to answer, maybe because my brain is usually stuck on the things I'm lacking in or suck at. Sometimes you feel so defeated at that moment or season that you forget all the good things in you you've come to know. So as reflection and as self-encouragement, I'm just going to list down some of the things that I have been reminded of as I ponder this question.

- I like that I am able to quickly learn programming languages. I'm not a wiz-kid in everything, but I can usually pick up enough to get rolling and start affecting and changing stuff. ISEA '08 was a crazy but fun time.

- I like that I am able to play the chords for most worship and pop songs on the guitar by ear. I'm not sure how it came about, but I thank God for it. I'm also thankful to God for placing me in TCHS band, even when I didn't want to be there at first. I think I wouldn't have picked up the guitar again at Sec 4, or be as interested in music otherwise.

- I like that I am tall. I think my life would be radically different if I wasn't.

- I thank God for the ability to do well academically. I found out during O Level prelims, after  having a mean grade of 4-5+ throughout my 4 years in secondary school and being forced to stay back in school at night just to study. I did well then, and have since tried to always put my best foot forward during JC and university, since it is a waste of a good gift not to. Not always the best (have to shake off that competitive and comparing spirit!) but definitely above average in academics.

- I am someone who likes to see others succeed. If it's within my power, I want to help people achieve what they have envisioned, or get them on what I think is the right track. I like computing in that it enables me to do that in the form of programs that bring to life certain ideas people might have (virtual guitar was fun!). On the flip-side, I find myself lacking the motivation to do stuff and feel a little lost when I'm left on my own, but I'm working on that.

That's all for now. I'll add more if I can think of them. What do YOU like about yourself?

Been dreaming a lot lately. Just thought I'd leave a note here in case I forget in future.

'Don't keep driving the bus if you're not the bus driver!'

That's all.

- Wants to be amazed by God and less detached/random. Been a bit out of it recently, with regards to stuff I'm doing.

- Start coding: do something like this http://www.gamedev.net/reference/articles/article2259.asp
- Break the bank and buy a PS3 Slim, FFXIII, and a replacement PS2 Slim
- Get started on driving lessons
- Learn some basic 3D modeling and animations
- Learn to incorporate meshes into OpenGL code. Make that idea of a game battle engine a reality
- Write songs again. About anything, anyone.
- Buy some web server space and put stuff online
- Write to companies to get hired, or start my own, whichever happens first
and as always, keep dreaming

FYP report submitted. As of now, only a few things remain:
- NM4210 poster session on Tuesday
- Slides for FYP Presentation ready for review by Wednesday hopefully
- GEK1509 Term Test 2 on Thursday
- FYP Presentation on 19th April (Monday)

My student life is gradually winding down. And I'm bittersweet about it. It's been fun, but especially tiring this sem, so I'll appreciate the break. Just that there is no more 'next sem' left (didn't get to use up most of my CORS points either. not sure whether to be happy or sad)

Seeds to pursue once presentation on the 19th passes:
- Retrospective look at all the 8 sems past. There's probably a lot of fun and interesting things that went on there that's probably good to write about and be thankful for.

I have no real time to sit down to think and write about stuff (knowing myself, I need a lot of time to think and edit before stuff appears on this blog), so I'll just jot down some seed thoughts that I may re-visit in while awaiting employment:
- 'Sing': an idea for a song, with a certain anthem-ic feel
- 'The decade at a glance': a friend of mine mentioned that we're 10 years older than the people in Sec 3 now. 10 years is a really long time (way to make you feel old), so I guess a look back at what has changed or transpired in my life and society would be interesting. Example snippet: NS gets cut down to just 2 years (1 year 10 months for the very fit people!).

That's that. FYP submission is coming up in April so need to buckle down and polish up the app, as well as tackle the crazy amount of group projects that are vying for my time.

It's nearing the end of week 5, and the project work is piling. Sad to say, I'm still in a bit of a daze over what needs to be done for each ( except for my FYP, which is more or less on track). I really thank God for the inspiration for the new game idea for FYP, as trying to stick to the old game idea would have made for very arbitrary gameplay when I stuck additional commands in. Kevin and Kaijie, as well as anyone else who's interested, I'll put up a demo soon to ask for opinions!

Most of the time this past few weeks, however, I've been just floating around, letting the deadlines and submissions just prod me along. I'm finding I'm not that great a critic through my NM modules: I'm more likely to go through a paper's description of a methodology/experiment and go "wow, interesting", "uh huh", or "rubs me the wrong way but can't tell why" than to ask "how did you get from here to there?". Or, if I think something's been ask so often already, just think that isn't a question worth asking again (Programmer's habit I guess). A question might be on the tip of my tongue, but I worry so much that it's already answered somewhere in the reading that I scan through it again, probably out of fear of showing ignorance on my part. In other news, haven't really done much in the way of job applications yet (resume's not even written!). I know it needs to be done, but I'm just being lazy -_-. I seriously need some sparking...

Seeing young people living crazily for God...

Watching something unfold and knowing that God is nudging me, saying 'See, it turned out fine!'...

Working on projects so fun and interesting that I don't care how steep the learning curve is...

Collaborating with a team of people who love what they are doing and take the initiative to contribute...

In Moments Like This
In moments like this
I sing out a song
I sing out a love song to Jesus
In moments like this
I lift up my voice
I lift up my voice to the Lord

Singing I love You Lord
Singing I love You Lord
Singing I love You Lord I love You

Lord You Are More Precious Than Silver
Lord You are more precious than silver
Lord You are more costly than gold
Lord You are more beautiful than diamonds
And nothing I desire compares with You

1 Peter 1:17-21:
"¹⁷Since you call on a Father who judges each man's work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear. ¹⁸For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, ¹⁹but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. ²⁰He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. ²¹Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God. "

1 Peter 1:6-9:
^"6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls"

Psalm 119:72:
^"72 The law from your mouth is more precious to me
       than thousands of pieces of silver and gold."

Reworked the FYP to accommodate 4 gestures. Discovered a bug in my resampling code which has probably been creating bad signatures. Fixed.

UTF has been giving me headaches recently. I'm slowly learning some of the not-so-great quirks of Java. Apparently chars are 2 bytes long, and the byte type is signed . Hopefully Java doesn't impose that template on data it receives or I think my head will flip.

I'll start on my readings tomorrow...

It's January again, the start of yet another semester. Thing is, it's also the last one of my undergraduate life. After scoring all As last sem (praise God!), I'm not really sure how this last one will be. Filled with hard work and fulfilling projects, or just low-key UEs here and there while I finish my FYP? As I've mentioned to many friends and acquaintances, part of me doesn't want academic life to end (it just got interesting!). A masters or phd with NUS doesn't seem that desirable though, so I guess I'll have to settle with finding a job that provides room to continuously explore and innovate with approaches and technology. At least iRock's been taken up for further research/paper writing (not sure how that will turn out), so I guess that's my contribution to computer science research for now.

The FYP's coming along nicely. I'm thankful to God that, despite the packed December, there was time to do some work as well as have fun (not that FYP isn't fun!). ONE camp was tiring but worth it, even if just for the opportunity to get to know some of the younger ones. Caroling was a fun and interesting experience. We should prep some Chinese songs next time if we're hitting old HDB blocks.

Changes are coming this year, even if it's just the transition to working life. God, please guide me and see me through 2010!